Fade Away!!

Truth

SOMETIMES..

STRANGERS ARE 

BETTER THAN

PEOPLE THAT KNOW YOU 

FOR AGES..

FACT!

 

Just a past time?

Is it fine to just ignore your so called best friend?

Meeting him after nearly 7 months and you act like he is a stranger?

I don't tell you to go around with me all the time, but when you are with me..

you don't feel like drinking and spending time? you don't like going for walks?

But when it is your other friends, you could do anything for them,

seeing them sad makes you go so crazy and sad,

seeing me depressed is nothing great, i am just being emo...

Fuck that shit. Trust me, someday I will collect all this strength..

and forget you for good. That will be the day, I will never bother your life.

Someday, I will go away. Guess you are acting like this because I need you.

I wonder..

I was always taught to be a good person. Tried being nice to people.
Realized that, when you be good to someone, they will end up taking
you for granted and actually use it against you. Being good actually
becomes your weakness. They just don't give a fuck about you anymore
as if you have no feelings at all coz at the end of the day, you are still good
to them...

I wonder what should I do? Voices in ma head says I should change.
Depend on people less and stop being nice, because at the end of the day,
you are the one who will be at the losing side. I wonder....

To see you smiling is what I always wanted..
Seeing you sad hurts me deep inside...
Don't expect anything in return,
Only hoping that you will understand...

Do you mean it?

At times, I really wonder.. do you think or feel that I am important to you?
You say I am your best friend, but you never treated me like one. Yes I do feel it,
because you never treated me like how you treat your other friends ever. You never
really care how I feel.

I don't ask for much, for you, I will do anything, I just wish you know that this friend
of yours have feelings too behind his craziness. I do smile all the time and act like I never
get hurt, but it does not mean that you can keep taking me for granted..

Trust me, someday I might just fade away from your life...
Because at times, I just feel that I can never be good enough for you..
Could never be a good bf, and I guess not a good friend too..
Because even after knowing me for years, you act like I am no one to you..

You say we are best friends...
But if this is how best friends are...
I rather not be one...
I prefer being an ordinary friend like the rest...
As they are closer and much more important to you...

I am hurt, but I just don't want to give up yet...
To me, you are everything... I mean it...

I miss those days a lot..when we used to know everything about each other..
Now, this relationship that we call best friends is just meaningless..

I wish everything will change someday,
Even when I know that you are busy with your own life..
For you it is a growing up process...
Meeting new people, an not only spending time with the old ones..
Trust me, I am not sure about other.. but..  someday..
this old lame friend of yours will be there for you..
No matter how bad the situation is..
That is my promise.




If you ever need me...

Breaking Down.

Behind this smile, behind this happy person...

There is another person. Locked up, without a key, yet his screams are

so disturbing. I can hear his cries, I can hear him sobbing, I can feel his pain..

The scars are visible, feels like it was just yesterday. The cut was just too deep.

He is just lost in his own world. 

Questions

What does trust mean? What does love mean? What does all this mean? Why I feel so much pain? I just want to live a normal life, like I always wanted. Is it wrong to dream? because in the end, people just break you dreams and leave you with some memories. Why can't I be like you? Why can't I just be normal and act like nothing ever happened? Why am I still stuck? Why all these memories suffocate me slowly? Why do I have to fake a smile? Why can't you understand me? Why did all this happen?

I can only sit and think, searching for an answer for all these questions.. 

Trapped in a maze. 

Having so many thoughts in my head and I was 100% sure  

that no one would understand it, because

even I myself can't understand what I am feeling right now. Thought the best way will be, write a blog. So yeah, I am lost in my own thoughts, trapped in this maze where I can't see the EXIT sign. Wondering how to solve this, believing that everything will be fine someday. Some things are just so confusing where you don't know whether what is the right or wrong decision to make. People feel that I am an emotional person, saying that I should man up, and say things that hurts a lot. I just reply with a smile, when deep inside I feel like saying "fucking walk in my shoes before you judge me, I don't get an award for being emotional."  It hurts a lot when people that are closest to you don't understand how you really feel.

The truth I try to avoid and not tell anyone is:      I am the kid, who wants attention, wants to feel loved.  wants to be important to someone.

Thanks mummy, for always being there for me. You played the role of a dad when I needed one, and you are the best mummy.